When I gave birth to a child, I knew I wouldn’t sleep. Everyone tells you you’re not going to sleep. We didn’t sleep. But then, despite our best efforts, we kept not sleeping. I didn’t know about that. I’ve can safely tell you I’ve read every word about babies and sleep the internet has ever written, and many words published in actual books, too. And sometimes what the people tell you to do is all nice and good, but your kid is like, nah, I’ll sleep when I want, thanks though. Dear readers, when he wanted to sleep was on vacation. The most wonderful vacation in the history to time, ever.*
And whilst on the most wonderful vacation in the history of time, ever, I developed an idea for a book on toddler sleep. Are you ready for my method?
Once your toddler is awake and fed for the morning, take him to the beach and let him run around until he gets beach-tired. This is a beautiful type of exhaustion, that, as long as he’s been plied with water and snacks, means he isn’t cranky, he just has nothing left to give anymore.
Bring him home, give him lunch, put him down for a nap.
When he’s awake, give him some time to get reacquainted with the land of the living. Then begin the sunscreen process and repeat that whole morning song-and-dance.
When he turns to you and waves, “bye-bye,” it means he is beach-tired again, and you must zip him back to watch a show, eat dinner, take a bath, and go to sleep again.
He should not make a peep until the sun comes up the next morning.
Not enough for a book I guess, huh? Well dear readers, all I can tell you is that this is the schedule we stuck to almost every day of our time at the beach this summer, and it was beautiful. Please light and candle and pray to the vacation gods that they continue to bless us long into the future.
*At least, in the last 17 months.